kiss then blame your hands

this time
we can't help
but "oh rien"
what my heart
says when the room
spins awake frozen
limbs, laughter from
lastnight an echo

will we have
another? i should
hope to give
flight to all these
winged ideas
when a kissing
contest is just
around the corner

smile sharp bright
bite back french
"regarde moi" okay
"je suis" sure
fit for fantasy?
"oh, non."

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

guess i've learned not to fully trust all those grand premonitions. instead listen to guitar solos without jealousy, patiently await phone calls...make plenty more. whatever. the artist has learned to feign or at least have a deeper respect for a narcissistic tragedy complex. i've learned to kiss naturally, without feigning anything as though every time could be love incarnate. Sagittarius, it is every time...but not for all time? i read that love is the only thing that can keep you going when the realization of your own existential placement catches up to you. something of that paraphrased nature.
beginning to doubt what i thought was my last hope. because it walks in and out, loaded gun. like meeting someone will really be enough to push me over the edge i stand on, waiting to dive back into me. but not alone! ha ha ha. guess i'm gonna have to at some point anyway. dive that is. just wish i had a boot, (mary jane shoe) at my ass for that little, gentle nudge i think i need. is this what it is to use humanity to better yourself to better serve humanity. i thought that was what college was for. god, it's been so long it seems. a different planet with different craters.
is it my fingertips nerve endings and skin that want for her...or is it in my mind? i keep blaming my hands.