more than enough

funny, what the heart can convince you to believe. i know that what i'm doing is better for my health, my sanity, my future...but why is love elusive? why is it that when you find something that makes you believe it slips away? i know why. i have to be bigger. i have to test my intellect more, and let my heart be felt.
laying in bed last night, alone but warm, my heartbeat slow and steady. then thinking about her, then thinking about me, about the future, about pain and myself; my heart rate increasing...i squeezed my eyes shut, told myself to shut the fuck up already.
i am mature enough to have been through this before and i know what to do. there is no one to focus on. my heartbeat is a metronome for the song of my life and i better listen to it. i can't start whining and feeling like i'm not enough. i am more than enough.